Range Rover Velar Review: D300 SE - A waft-worthy Velvet Glove

There is a famous Albert Einstein quote that goes, "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." Well isn't that nice?

Now, I'll tell you in a moment how and why that’s relevant with regards to the Velar you see here, but let's focus on the first problem. Einstein never said this.

Rather, I imagine it was someone that wasn't very good at their job. A bit of a bumbler that suspected him or herself a bit of a pro at something else. Like singing or sensual massage. The lads at Jaguar Land Rover however are good at their jobs. Very good in fact, but sometimes they build fishes that look like they're about to tackle the vertical aspect of a massive oak.

It looks…

Sharply raked roofline looks good, compromises rear headroom

The Velar is a slippery enough rendition of its Range Rover SUV format – trading the larger siblings’ format of utilitarian chops for a snazzy roofline that compromises headroom – but with sportier looks. It's still square jawed and muscular enough to be called handsome just with a fair amount of curve to disrupt that otherwise granite form.

This one is the D300 SE, Range Rover will sell you a cheaper Velar, but this is the sweet spot – the Goldilocks of the line-up with its forcefully aspirated three litre diesel engine. From it comes a robust 221kW and 700Nm which means while it looks a sight in town, this thing comes alive when you exit the city.

It goes…

So, I point it south along the coast and begin pouring on the throttle. It’s a pleasant exhaust note, this, for an oil burner with not wholly irresponsible eco credentials belying its two-tonne mass, a combined fuel consumption of 6.4litres/100km and emissions at 167 CO2 g/km.

The helm itself is direct enough, I’m certainly enjoying the winding asphalt between Camps Bay and Hout Bay more than I would in a taller SUV thanks to a more car-like driving position. Still, I’m clearly piloting a Range Rover – a luxurious cabin reminds me of this, well-appointed and dripping in technology.

Pure class, there's no mistaking this interior...

Another few kilometres lay between me and Chapmans Peak, which I soon overcome in Sport mode. My window's down of course, so as to better enjoy the Velar’s diesel soundtrack - equal parts creamy and agricultural. It's barely 8am and even though this is springtime in the Cape, the sky is full of pinks and yellows, clouds looming grey but in no way threatening to burst.

The engine note thins out, still pure and rich, the sound of six cylinders brimming at three ’charged litres of capacity to the aforementioned tune of 221kW and 700Nm. I wined the window up silently and escape the crisp Hout Bay air as I carve through the pass, the sensation of speed amplified by the tall cliff walls. An opening in traffic begs for some more throttle to which the Velar responds with plentiful, luxurious speed, every millimetre of throttle I feed in causing a notable adjustment in my pace as I stitch together apex after apex. This is surely the life.

Not quite my one car garage

For the longest time, nothing could quite challenge the previous Range Rover Sport as my ultimate. That elusive ‘what if’ car, the only car I’d consider as the only car on my driveway. It had to be quick, roomy, feel special – tick, tick and tick. And when the new series of Range Rovers arrived it felt like more of the same.

When the Velar was unveiled, I presumed it would be the cream of the crop and while it is quick (in this guise), roomy enough (if somewhat compromised by the roofline), it is special – but less so now than before. It’s 2019, and the world has moved on and that includes Jaguar Land Rover itself with E-, F- and I-Paces, Land Rover Discoverys and the previously mentioned barrage of Rangeys all vying for the top spot in design.

The Velar is gorgeous and the cabin a wonderful place to be, but I don’t know, it’s missing something. Or maybe I am the problem – maybe it’s my inability to shake the fact there exists something quicker, roomier and far more special at a slightly cheaper price point. I refer, of course, to this: Audi RS4 Avant Review – We Tune Into Rage Station 4.

Range Rover Velar D300 SE Spec: